Recently a lot has been happening.
Not all good this time. A rough patch. A few dreams shattered, a few close ones
separated and this maddening urge to just sit and watch how things take shape.
A long phase that had taken a serious toll on me. Hence the virtual OBE
experience.
I was at the state where I felt that
I had nothing to look forward to. Everything I had worked for, dreamt about was
crumbling to ashes and there was little I could do about it. I started feeling
that there was no challenge left, no target, no aim, no sense of achievement.
Everything I had acquired and would acquire seemed meaningless and a bore. Life
had itself become a drag. Nothing seemed to capture my interest. As was rightly
pointed by my friend and mentor, I had lost the “passion” in life. So I decided
to throw in the towel and walk out. A few friends I spoke to about this completely
missed the idea and some also encouraged me thinking that I was on for an
adventure. No hard feelings for them since they had no clue what I was going through.
It was at the final stages of this
decision to quit that I found myself in a car with a friend for a day’s drive.
Till the very last moment, I was set to drive solo and no one was supposed to
join me. But as fate would have it I had company. She was a welcome company because;
I was not sure what I would do the next day. Dramatic as it may sound, this blog
would have been probably one of the few contacts I would have left to the world
and people I knew. Incognito was how I
had planned my future. So one last company of a friend I am probably most fond
of would not harm.
All through the drive, we talked. We
talked about irrelevant things and our pasts. I told her of my plans and she
listened to them, quietly, no comments. I was convinced that this was the right
thing to do to which she did not voice her opinion. We listened to songs
and sang a few. Oldies were being rediscovered. We did mimicry of our common
friends and had each other in splits. We threw flying kisses at passing
vehicles (well, she did) and laughed at their reactions. She actually did that
to a cop too, who promptly took down my registration number. We bought candies and
shared it equally based on the flavors. She had it as a mission to finish all
of her share as soon as possible, and forced me to finish mine too. We fought
over irrelevant things and called each other names. We bitched about people we
did not like. We found out mistakes in each other and dished out idiotic punishments.
(She still has to do 5 sit ups holding her ears, on the road.) Slowly
I was unwinding and feeling at ease. I started becoming myself. The height
was that I banged my car to a White Ford Figo from the rear. The other car
slowed and then accelerated and went off. His bumper was quite badly dented. We
both realized at the same time, that maybe my car is in a much worst shape and
hence that guy is moving away. Instead of being concerned, we ended up laughing
uncontrollably at that possibility. (My car is actually in a bad shape, which I
found later).
More than 6 hours and close to 200
KMs went past unnoticed.
Somewhere during all this, I
realized what I was doing seemed misaligned with my nature. I needed to get
back in the ring. I cannot "escape". I need to win this one and then
choose what to do next. It came down on me like waves of relief. A relief of
knowing how emotionally driven my decision was, a relief of knowing I was
behaving like a loser, which I like to believe I am not. A relief of knowing
that I am coming back, and to win!
So, what actually did happen? What
made me re-look into the decision made and fixed? What made me see through the
haze of frustration and hopelessness? It is not trivial for one to realize he/
she has been wrong. What made me see this? I believe it was her easy going
nature which made me relaxed and at ease in I don’t know how long a time. She made me myself and look at the person I
was becoming from a unbiased perspective. She made me see the futility of
the decision I had taken. She did all that, without uttering a single judgment.
Never did she agree or disagree to anything I said on this topic. I was
unwinding because she kept me away from thoughts that kept me high strung at
all times.
If I tell her this, she would not
believe it. In her humility she would not even think of having created such an
effect. That’s the best part, she does not believe in superlatives. She is
simple and easy going and likes things around her in the same manner. No Superlatives :-). I would like to see her face when she reads this, for I am
sure the most part there will be an unbelieving, smiling expression. As if this
was no big deal. Well dear it was, and will always be, for me.
She has endured me at my worst. She
walked into my life when I was at an extremely volatile state, emotionally. And
she had been the target of my frustrations more times than I can count. But she
did not waver. She had become a friend of mine and she was not going to let go
easily. I had asked her, requested her, and
demanded her to get away from me. I had told her that I am never going to talk
to her. She responded by saying “what you do is your call; I am always going to
be friend to you”. Probably her tenacity rubbed off me a little and that made
the whole difference.
Ours was a chance meeting which turned
into a life enriching friendship. There are memorable events and unforgettable
ones. This trip is going to be a part of me.
Thank You!
