A day's drive and a U Turn

Recently a lot has been happening. Not all good this time. A rough patch. A few dreams shattered, a few close ones separated and this maddening urge to just sit and watch how things take shape. A long phase that had taken a serious toll on me. Hence the virtual OBE experience.

I was at the state where I felt that I had nothing to look forward to. Everything I had worked for, dreamt about was crumbling to ashes and there was little I could do about it. I started feeling that there was no challenge left, no target, no aim, no sense of achievement. Everything I had acquired and would acquire seemed meaningless and a bore. Life had itself become a drag. Nothing seemed to capture my interest. As was rightly pointed by my friend and mentor, I had lost the “passion” in life. So I decided to throw in the towel and walk out. A few friends I spoke to about this completely missed the idea and some also encouraged me thinking that I was on for an adventure. No hard feelings for them since they had no clue what I was going through.

It was at the final stages of this decision to quit that I found myself in a car with a friend for a day’s drive. Till the very last moment, I was set to drive solo and no one was supposed to join me. But as fate would have it I had company. She was a welcome company because; I was not sure what I would do the next day. Dramatic as it may sound, this blog would have been probably one of the few contacts I would have left to the world and people I knew.  Incognito was how I had planned my future. So one last company of a friend I am probably most fond of would not harm.

All through the drive, we talked. We talked about irrelevant things and our pasts. I told her of my plans and she listened to them, quietly, no comments. I was convinced that this was the right thing to do to which she did not voice her opinion. We listened to songs and sang a few. Oldies were being rediscovered. We did mimicry of our common friends and had each other in splits. We threw flying kisses at passing vehicles (well, she did) and laughed at their reactions. She actually did that to a cop too, who promptly took down my registration number. We bought candies and shared it equally based on the flavors. She had it as a mission to finish all of her share as soon as possible, and forced me to finish mine too. We fought over irrelevant things and called each other names. We bitched about people we did not like. We found out mistakes in each other and dished out idiotic punishments. (She still has to do 5 sit ups holding her ears, on the road.)   Slowly I was unwinding and feeling at ease. I started becoming myself. The height was that I banged my car to a White Ford Figo from the rear. The other car slowed and then accelerated and went off. His bumper was quite badly dented. We both realized at the same time, that maybe my car is in a much worst shape and hence that guy is moving away. Instead of being concerned, we ended up laughing uncontrollably at that possibility. (My car is actually in a bad shape, which I found later).

More than 6 hours and close to 200 KMs went past unnoticed.

Somewhere during all this, I realized what I was doing seemed misaligned with my nature. I needed to get back in the ring. I cannot "escape". I need to win this one and then choose what to do next. It came down on me like waves of relief. A relief of knowing how emotionally driven my decision was, a relief of knowing I was behaving like a loser, which I like to believe I am not. A relief of knowing that I am coming back, and to win!

So, what actually did happen? What made me re-look into the decision made and fixed? What made me see through the haze of frustration and hopelessness? It is not trivial for one to realize he/ she has been wrong. What made me see this? I believe it was her easy going nature which made me relaxed and at ease in I don’t know how long a time.  She made me myself and look at the person I was becoming from a unbiased perspective. She made me see the futility of the decision I had taken. She did all that, without uttering a single judgment. Never did she agree or disagree to anything I said on this topic. I was unwinding because she kept me away from thoughts that kept me high strung at all times.

If I tell her this, she would not believe it. In her humility she would not even think of having created such an effect. That’s the best part, she does not believe in superlatives. She is simple and easy going and likes things around her in the same manner. No Superlatives :-). I would like to see her face when she reads this, for I am sure the most part there will be an unbelieving, smiling expression. As if this was no big deal. Well dear it was, and will always be, for me.

She has endured me at my worst. She walked into my life when I was at an extremely volatile state, emotionally. And she had been the target of my frustrations more times than I can count. But she did not waver. She had become a friend of mine and she was not going to let go easily.  I had asked her, requested her, and demanded her to get away from me. I had told her that I am never going to talk to her. She responded by saying “what you do is your call; I am always going to be friend to you”. Probably her tenacity rubbed off me a little and that made the whole difference.

Ours was a chance meeting which turned into a life enriching friendship. There are memorable events and unforgettable ones. This trip is going to be a part of me.

Thank You!